I am a counselor at Gander Brook,
Without my presence all the kids would die.
I may not be that sensible but I am indispensable,
And I don’t think my reference would lie.
I keep the kids from running into rocks and trees and stormy seas,
And wipe their noses when they have to blow (snort-snort)
So please believe me when I say, you really need me here today,
‘Cause I’m not sure where else that I could go.
I am a lovely cook at Gander Brook,
Without my cooking everyone would die.
I fill your gut with BBQ and other tasty stuff to chew,
Like meatball hash and sweet potato pie.
I read it in a book somewhere that people living everywhere
Are still alive because they ate some grub. (yum-yum)
So don’t deny that I’m the greatest thing since mama’s apple pie
And I’ll make sure you get a tasty sub.
I am a Bible Teacher at Gander Brook,
Without my teaching all the kids would die.
I get the kids to meditate, pon-tif-i-cate and vegetate
On fancy words that money cannot buy.
It’s written in the Holy Book so you can even take a look
That God’s good word is really life to me. (Amen!)
So don’t you think that I’m a liar, without my presence you’d expire.
Well just go check out Deu-ter-o-no-meeee.
I am a laundry girl at Gander Brook,
Without my washing everyone would die.
You may think I exaggerate to claim that I’m so really great,
But let me tell you, here’s the reason why.
I heard somewhere malaria, diphtheria and cholera
All come from smelling three week old B.O. (P.U!)
So if you make it home alive but later on you don’t survive
Just tell your mom I tried to tell you so.
I teach merit badge at Gander Brook,
Without my guidance all the kids would die.
Without my watchful oversight it wouldn’t be a pretty sight
When twenty-twos and arrows start to fly.
You’d get your necks all tangled up in basket reed and macramé,
And climbing course would be a crazy zoo.
So to avoid certain death I’ll teach you how to hold your breath
While paddling an upside down canoe!
I am the lovely nurse at Gander Brook,
Without my band-aids everyone would die.
You stagger in when you are ill and I make sure you get the pill,
The proper one that doesn’t make you high.
If not for me some malady would fall upon the camp you see
That makes your head fall off and then turn blue. (boo-hoo)
So if by chance you cannot see my irreplaceability,
Don’t come a running when you get the flu.
I am the camp director at Gander Brook.
Without my clip-board everyone would die.
If not for my a-saying so the grass would just forget to grow
And I don’t think the birds would even fly.
The counselors and kids you see would wander round so aimlessly
And never get a perfect cabin score (eighty-four!)
So if you do not understand I hold your live within my hand
You might not see your smart phone any more.
(Gander Brook Staff Infection song, 2012, written but never sung,
sort of to the tune of “The Poor Old Slave”)